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It's better to be forewarned because some qualities have a genetic component. What is their typical way of dealing with conflict? Don't assume that your partner has good anger management skills. Do they tend to stonewall or withdraw from conflict or see it as an opportunity for growth? How does your partner feel about having children? How many children do they consider the best number if they want them? Do they believe that couples should share chores and childcare responsibilities? What are their values and beliefs about infidelity? What is their view of divorce?

What would they consider a good solution to a period when your marriage is rocky? Perhaps the first step in deciding whether a person is a good risk for marriage is to get clarity around "deal breakers" and "deal makers.

Marriage Material by Sathnam Sanghera

There is no such thing as a perfect partner. If the answer is no, ask yourself: Am I settling for less than I deserve in the relationship?


  1. How to Know if You're Marriage Material;
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  4. Beloved Believer.

Looking to the experts can help you gain clarity about marrying the best person for you. One of the central premises of her groundbreaking book is that chemistry is the best way to figure out if someone is right for you. Surprisingly, she's not just talking about sexual chemistry but also the feeling that you enjoy being around your partner and have fun together. You feel comfortable with each other and it's easy to get close.

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In other words, you feel that you can be yourself. You feel safe in the relationship. It's fun to be together. Kirshenbaum writes, "Couples who have this dimension of chemistry going for them have a shortcut to intimacy and a buffer against the stressful times we all face.

Marriage Material

You have real affection and passion for each other. This is where sexual chemistry comes in and it should go hand and hand with affection. You feel there's real mutual respect. You accept, admire and respect each other for who you are. A few relational "infections" can all but erase many good qualities.

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In the same way, someone could be wonderful in the context of dating and still be sorely lacking when it comes to the "game time" issues of marriage. There are many more.

Request-Traits the Top 1% of "Marriage Material Women" Have

But each one of these is significant enough that if the person you are dating displays several or even one or two to a deep degree , they may not be emotionally or spiritually ready for marriage — regardless of how much fun it is to date them. The sad reality is some people are givers and some people are takers. But there are times when the giver will need to receive. For instance the giver gets really sick or is laid off, even though he or she provided the bulk of the income or just goes through a discouraging time and suffers things she has never known before, like depression or anxiety.

In those instances, can your taker learn to give?

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In many cases, sadly, the answer is no. It is not selfish to want to marry a giver.

It is wise. It is being a good steward of your time and life. It is a gift to your future children just think about it. I have an entire section on that in my book The Sacred Search pages Many particularly younger couples are often surprised at how difficult life can become.

6 Types of People Who Aren't Marriage Material

Raising kids is exhausting. Taking care of a house, working, and being married will sometimes push you to the limit of your energy. It might seem like a holiday when your boyfriend or girlfriend is all about play and always trying to take you away from work, but if they do that to an extreme and never demonstrate self-discipline and initiative that carefree spirit will grow very tiresome, very quickly. But when someone is playing video games, or is online several hours a day every day, or eight hours at a time it has become an escape. Worse, the more we participate in an escape, the more tempted we are to double down and do it even more.

The real world loses interest and the virtual world becomes our passion.


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  • One of the biggest factors comes down to communication style when problems arise. There are three types of communicators:. The overall point is that research showed couples who communicate in the same style have a higher success rate. And, you guessed it, couples who are both Engagers come out on top as the most successful, happiest and lasting relationships of all.

    There are many factors which come into play when choosing to tie the knot with someone or not pun intended. Are you feeling insecure, or uncomfortable with the prospect of marrying your current partner? If so, take time to really sit with yourself and figure out why. But, no pressure.

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